And so it has been almost a month since our monumental move. As B continues to put in more job applications, the waiting game ensues.
In the beginning, we were preoccupied with getting adjusted to things – the new environment, the new country, a new home. As time passed by though, waiting became somewhat agonizing. Coming from a life where there was constantly things to do, from work to family events, this quieter state was in all frankness, rather melancholic. The days would creep by slowly with very few events. Loneliness, sheathed in invisible cloak would maliciously pounce on me when I least expected it.
While withdrawal is something we would typically associate with things, from sugar to alcohol, it does also apply to situations too. In this case, I realize it was a withdrawal of events and a social life. The good news is that much like withdrawals from material things, the first step to healing is perhaps that moment of revelation. You suddenly see things from a different view and you being to comprehend the mysterious spell you were cast under.
I thought back to my life at home and realized that why, only about two months ago while at work, I was so dearly wishing to do absolutely nothing. I dreamed of waking up late, reading all the books that is on my mental list entitled Books to Read, focusing on getting fit. I wanted to lie in bed, put on my headphones, and simply revel in the joy of listening to music. Instead of having music as a background score to whatever I was doing, I wanted to experience each and every note of a song, and allow it to take my mind and spirit away. There is this Italian phase, ‘Dolce Far Niente’ which translates to the sweetness of doing nothing. I wanted to sink my teeth into and taste that sweetness.
Ah, and here I was with all the time in the world affixed on loneliness. “Life is a vicious cycle, isn’t it,?” one friend pointed out yesterday. You anxiously await for things to do, and then await for moments of silence.
And so, I’ve started reading the books I want to, waking up and simply lying in bed listening to my favorite songs with my eyes closed and running everyday. I’ve even started learning a new language. I must say, in a turn of events, I am now quite pleased with this opportunity.
“If you view crossing the finish line as the measure of your life, you’re setting yourself up for a personal disaster. … Commanding a spaceship or doing a spacewalk is a very rare, singular moment-in-time event in the continuum of life. You need to honor the highs and the peaks in the moments — you need to prepare your life for them — but recognize the fact that the preparation for those moments is your life and, in fact, that’s the richness of your life. … The challenge that we set for each other, and the way that we shape ourselves to rise to that challenge, is life,” – astronaut Chris Hadfield, author of An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth.